I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
