I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
