This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
