Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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