I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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