I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Enjoy the penises
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
