I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
