I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
