I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's just like the Real World with babies
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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