There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
as a side note pls kill me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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