i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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