Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
