you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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