Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
