Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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