At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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