It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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