I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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