I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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