Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
