2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
