Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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