I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
