Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
