when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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