Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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