im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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