It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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