ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
