is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
