that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
