Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
