ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i now understand why vodka
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
