Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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