i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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