6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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