is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
