grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
