Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
