Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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