I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
