I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
