This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
