I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
