u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
