kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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