did you get engaged???
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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