im drinking this country out of the recession.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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