Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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