Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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