i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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