New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize