drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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