Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
