Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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