batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
