I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
