It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
