Umm I'm too high to move.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
