I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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