if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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