I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
