Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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