Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
false alarm. still invincible.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize