it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and she was petting her beer can
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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