Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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