Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
