Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
