Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
