You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
