I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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