i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
