Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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