My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
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You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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