How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
