Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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