soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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